I hate ‘co sleeping’

Fingers in eyes. Fingers in mouth. Fingers up nostrils. Fingers in ears.

If you google ‘benefits of co sleeping’ it comes up with 8. Some I can agree with like ‘you don’t have to get out of bed to meet their needs’ I’m not a lover of moving when it isn’t necessary, so this one does tick a box.
 I question ‘babies fall into a natural pattern of daytime and night time’ DO THEY? Do all co sleeping babies fall into this? Do you have evidence for this?

Romey hasn’t got a clue whether it’s 3am or 3pm. Every time he wakes up it immediately means to him ‘I want to scream at you, until you crack and we go downstairs and play’ and as for the, ‘co sleeping improves bonding and attachment’, it did. Until he found use of his hands, and begun to nestle his sweaty palm into our scalps at unholy hours and yank with all his might. I then find myself frantically trying to untangle hair from around his fingers, because we have all heard those horror stories about babies fingers dropping off because of their mothers hair cutting off their blood circulation – right?!

I had a dream once that I was being scratched all over my face by a huge cat, and when I opened my eyes I could still see this feline and screamed. Much to Roman’s horror who just stared back at me with his huge owl monkey eyes, and I quickly realised that it wasn’t a cat, it was my darling child clawing my eyes out.

So after months of having near misses of Roman falling out the bed, crawling to the end and attacking us, we decided to put the cot to use

(the cot that had up until this point just been a storage unit) and from that moment onwards our sleeps have been undisturbed and refreshing.


He stands on the side of his cot and yells at us for hours on ends. He also does quite a strange growl towards the end of the hysterical screaming. 

He pokes his arms through as far as possible, in a desperate bid to grab onto one of our limbs. 

My GP has repeatedly told me to keep at ‘controlled crying’ but there is nothing effing controlled about it.

So we are back to square one. I hate co sleeping, and I hate cots. In fact I just hate night times. I don’t even believe that we have been ‘co sleeping’ I think we’ve just been involuntarily bed sharing with a monster. We have now resorted to us taking turns to sleep in Noah’s bed. I skip up the stairs to Noah’s room unable to control my Cheshire Cat grin, holding my ear plugs tight.

So yes, nearly 11 months in. I still haven’t got a bloody clue on how to put my youngest to bed, and keep him in there.

Please give us a break Roman, we love you unconditionally but Jesus Christ, you are a nightmare!

(Don’t be fooled – he’s faking)

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