Is it normal to feel dread towards the school run, to the extent that I do? It is DIRE. Sometimes, we have a good ‘un. Usually on a day that Romey is at nursery, we’re on time, it’s not raining and Noah’s in a good mood. So it isn’t a daily occurrence, it’s lovely when it happens, but usually we are battling the elements and waddling along with sodding wet feet.
I’ve been counting down the days to half term, because a) I love having Noah at home and b) I don’t have to leave the house at 7.55am to do a 2 mile trek – and back – with two, grizzly children in tow. It started out well, ‘insect’ day on Friday was filled with errands (me) and colouring (Noah) and our London friends or as Noah calls them, ‘the girls’ arrived on Saturday.
We went to the pub, got inevitably hammered, and clambered into bed back at ours at 5am ish. Sunday came, children and a hangover, is never a great combination but it was manageable. Papa No + Ro braved the early morning shift, whilst the rest of us sort of bumbled around all morning, doing whatever was within our capabilities. Just as we were regaining a bit of life and about to get dressed to embark on a quest for food, Noah shouted ‘catch mummy!’ and lobbed an unknown article at me. Expecting the ball that he has been repeatedly told to not throw in the house, I put my arms out in front. Except, it wasn’t the soft, spongy ball hurtling towards me, it was a laminated, square piece of card (I don’t have a clue where it came from) and it landed corner first, straight into my eye. I have been through childbirth twice, cystitis, cluster headaches, broken a bone, so on and this was single handedly, the most intense pain I have ever felt! I screamed, Noah screamed, ‘the girls’ screamed, Roman laughed, Papa No + Ro was trying to yell over the chaos to find out what had happened. Six/seven hours later, I still couldn’t open my eye properly, and when I did prize it open I could only see outlines and colours, so off I went to the nearest A&E.
After anaesthetic in my eye, which quickly made me feel like I had reached heaven and a dye test, it was clear I had cut across my iris and pupil. But, there was no opthamologist (it was fun trying to say that to the rather bemused receptionist) at this particular hospital, so I was transferred to another one. Within an hour of waiting there, I had already been to the toilet once for a little cry, called my mum twice, begged for more anaesthetic and was sat wallowing, waiting for Papa No + Ro to come and sit with me. I sat there thinking, how on earth am I going to be a nurse and insert needles into little tiny baby veins, with one fucking eye? Being hungover certainly wasn’t helping the hysteria, but I was also feeling massively guilty because I was really cross with Noah, but felt really awful for him at the same time because obviously his intention wasn’t to temporarily (or permanently) destroy vision in my left eye.
Anyhoo, to cut out the really mundane parts. I’m still pretty blind in that one eye but thank goodness, all vision should be restored by the end of the week as the scratch was superficial, and the pain has subsided greatly. I am yet to leave the house since the injury, as I can’t quite read signs or number plates yet (which means no Uber!) and the two smashed plates today are testimony that perhaps I’m not quite safe enough to be venturing out with two small children just yet! So sofa and Shrek it is for the next few days.
On the plus side, Noah has stopped throwing things (finally) and I’m quite liking the hourly check ups, followed by kisses and cuddles.
No + Ro with their aunties or ‘the girls’: Speedy, Doll & Dopey